Perhaps you were as blown away as I was by the sight of Madonna performing at the 2005 Grammy Award show. She strutted and gyrated around the stage in high heels and a tiny pink corset pulled so tight you wondered how she could breathe, using that as an excuse to forgive her for lipsyncing to canned vocals at the beginning of the act. But then into the second verse and it was clear she was singing live, ruling the stage in her 70's flip-back Jackelyn Smith-but-blonde 'do, working it like...well...like Britney Spears.

Which got me to thinking; since Britney was essentially "doing" Madonna, how odd was it that Madonna was "doing" herself, albeit interpreted through her younger (and, let's be honest, far less talented) progeny?

Which is when I realized that it wasn't a fluke. It was no mistake that Madonna was up there on stage, showing off such a perfectly sculpted ass that either she's got implants or the woman squats 6 reps of 350 pounds before breakfast, while Britney probably watched the show from her Encino condo, sucking on a diet coke and belching like a truck driver. This was Madonna doing her best Britney doing her best Madonna. Here she was, all frosty, frothy purple-ish pinks and bleach blond girlie hair. Without a doubt in anyone's mind, the seductress was BACK, and fiercer than ever.

And I understood, at that very moment, the shocking truth: Madonna had stolen Britney's soul.

It was blown off as just another publicity ploy by the cynical pop culture punditry at the time, but post facto reflection reveals the truth: When Britney and Madonna kissed, that time they performed together? Like, a year or two ago? On stage of some awards show, performing together for the first time? During a kiss that was deemed utterly "scandalous?" Madonna performed split-second black magic mojo and SUCKED BRITNEY'S SOUL OUT THROUGH HER MOUTH.

Think about it. Madonna was in her Goth Coutour phase - all black hair, black Gautier leotards, long black over coats. It was Britney who had appropriated the blonde slut look, complete with big retro hair and, you guessed it, super tight corsets. In fact, if you go back and do a Google image search of that very kiss, you'll see the looks right in front of your face. Britney =light, frothy, sexy; Madonna = black, harsh, extreme, sexy-but-scary.

And it was after that kiss that everything started to fall apart for Britney - Kevin, the bad paparazzi photos of schlubby clothes and a burgeoning wasteline. Has she put out a new record? Toured in a million years? When's the last time you heard the tabloid tv shows talk about anything other than her stupid husband or her weight? When's the last time you heard her on the radio?

Then, check out recent photos of Madonna. Blonde, frothy, sexy. Tight little corsets and retro-style leotards. Doing Britney better than Britney ever could dream to. Don't tell me that bitch didn't suck Britney's soul out - Don't even try. I know the truth. I know that Madonna's been sitting up in the attic of her English countryside manor, letting Guy take the kids out for another bloody horseride while she consulted her Kabbala book about wicked spells, mixing up witchy potions and brewing up exotic youth serums.

Of course, we all know black magic always backfires, thus the horse riding accident on - no irony lost here - Madonna's birthday last summer, where she broke her wrist, her collar bone, and cracked a few ribs. It also emerged that she was rushed to the hospital after the above-mentioned Grammy performance for an emergency hernia operation. A small price to pay for the soul of a younger maiden, who was stealing her mojo in the first place.

I'm just saying: Think about it.

Madonna, well past the age when most pop divas have taken to hosting lower tier caught-on-tape shows on 3rd class cable channels, is still the queen of pop-dom. She slyly pulled Britney in close enough to get the younger ingenue to lower her guard, then took the uppity little white trash Micky Mouse Club, Star Search bitch for all she was worth. And all it took was that kiss.

Think about it: Where's Britney now? And who really cares?

Madonna? She opened the hottest, most important music awards show on the planet, a spot coveted by the most successful of their class.

Recently, gay magazine OUT scored an interview with her as part of their first ever music issue. These are her words, not mine, so judge for yourself:


Madonna's kiss and tell
AP
08mar06

MADONNA says she had some explaining to do when her daughter Lourdes asked about that kiss with Britney Spears at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards.

"(Lourdes) is really obsessed with who is gay," says Madonna in an interview in Out magazine.
"And she even asked, `Mum, you know they say that you are gay?' And I'm, `Oh, do they? Why?' And she says, `Because you kissed Britney Spears'.

"And I said, `No, it just means I kissed Britney Spears. I am kissing her to pass my energy to her'."